Kicking "Karate Kid"













LONDON, England - The original “Karate Kid” movie is the Mona Lisa of its genre. Teenage boy moves to new town with mum after dad dies, develops heavy crush on pretty girl — Elisabeth Shue — only to be beaten into a pulp regularly by her karate practising ex-boyfriend and his mates.

However, salvation is at hand in the form of his building’s handyman — Pat Morita’s noble and beautifully acted Mr Miyagi.

Miyagi knows a thing or two about karate and sets about teaching Daniel the proper way to use it by putting him to work waxing and painting things at his house.

Eventually all that “wax on, wax off” is revealed as a cunning ploy to get Ralph Macchio’s Daniel using the moves he needs but without the anger and hatred of his enemy.

It also has the benefit of teaching him patience and understanding, which is of course a big hit with Shue’s character.

It culminates with Daniel’s famous crane-kick victory after the badass ex-boyfriend has unleased some more nasty karate taught by his equally nasty teacher.

It makes you want to leap with joy and punch the air just thinking about.

However someone needs to start crane kicking the execs at Columbia Pictures, who are apparently in talks with Jackie Chan to remake the movie.

According to reports, Chan will mentor Will Smith’s son, Jaden, with the major difference being that the film will be set in Asia rather than California.

Cunningly the movie will be a co-production with state-run China Film Group, Variety reports, which would allow Columbia to bypass China’s annual quota of 20 film imports on a revenue-sharing basis.

Doesn’t sound at all cynical does it?

And therein lies the problem with just about every remake ever made: They’re about prostituting out a once great movie to old fans who don’t know better and a new generation who are barely old enough to tie their shoelaces let alone know there was an original.

Frankly, I’d rather burn my own eyes out with a hot poker than be duped into seeing another rubbish remake featuring a big-name star who is no patch on the original.

Just think Jude Law. He has been in two of the most nonsensical remakes ever, reprising Michael Caine’s role in “Alfie” and helping sully the name of the original Oscar-winning “All the Kings Men.” Moreover, he’s soon to feature in Guy Ritchie’s take on Sherlock Holmes — it’s a combination that has turkey written all over it.

Mark Wahlberg has an equally bad reputation when it comes to remake horrors, joining Tim Burton to butcher “Planet of the Apes” and Charlize Theron and Donald Sutherland in “The Italian Job” (what is it about Caine’s films?).

However, even they couldn’t top Gus Van Sant’s remake of “Psycho” with Vince Vaughan in the leading role. Vince Vaughan? Pass me that poker.

A “Karate Kid” remake can’t possibly better the original — the sequels were bad enough.

It all — sorry about the terrible pun — makes no sensei.